SUICIDE SQUAD

At some point in the Summer of 2012 DC and Marvel passed eachother like ships in the night. Marvel's Avengers took took the nation by storm, and forever changed entertainment, meanwhile Christpher Nolan wrapped up the conclusion to his Dark Knight trilogy, which besides Michael Keaton, was probably the best thing to ever happen to DC. DC has been left in the dust ever since. Even the other Marvel Cineatic Universe is putting them to shame. (you know, the one with X-Men, Wolverine, Deadpool and the Fantastic 4?) With duds like Man of Steel, and Batman v Superman DC needed a savior. We thought Suicide Squad was that savior. We believed that surely,this one won't suck. Certainly they'll get it right this time. We were wrong. We were all wrong. Now DC fans are bewildered and making up excuses, and trying to explain that the movie doesn't actually suck. I've heard everything from "I think Marvel paid off Rotten Tomatoes to give Suicide Squad a bad review" Why on earth would the now top selling movie franchise of all time give two craps abobut what reviews DC gets. My favorite defense of the film was "Hey, Margot Robbie is super hot". I mean, yeah, if you're a giant penis with eyes who has no appreciation for anything that resembles art then: 1. This is the movie for you, and 2. You should try porn. Actually no, just sit down and watch "The Wolf of Wall Street" you get to see alot more Margot Robbie. Like, a lot more. DC fans even went as far as starting a petition to have Rotten Tomatoes shut down! As if it's Rotten Tomatoe's fault that this movie is crap! So, what did I really think of this film? Warning: I don't really hold back.

What a mess. I mean, really this movie looks like it was edited by a 9th grader taking his first intro to video class. This movie could easily be called "Will Smith, Margot Robbie and some characters you often forget are there." Or "People you don't care about walking through an abandoned, post-apocaplytpic city reminiscent of a set from the Walking Dead." Either way, So what exactly is wrong with this film? JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING! The theme, the writing, the acting, the costume design, the set design, the fact that this movie is difficult to follow, and not on purpose! This is a bad, bad, bad movie. It quickly becomes very clear that this movie cannot commit to a theme. One moment it's trying to convince us it's Deadpool, sleezily humorous with a hint of vulgarity (minus the blatant self-awareness that made Deadpool enjoyable), then it tries really hard to convince us that it's "The Dark Knight". A dark and gritty realistic take at saving the world.  Then it tell us hey this movie is actually a serious, raw, extreme action movie, and attempts to take a serious tone to remind us how dramatic and slow-motion-y saving the world really is. And there are some points where I stop and think "What is the theme here? What are they trying to conv....wait did that guy just turn into a giant burning tiki charm? Yes. Yes he did. 

In addition to the theme(s), this is one of the most horribly written movies you will ever see. Each of our proganists is referred to as a "gang banger" at least 3 times. Ever heard of a synonym? It feels like it was written by a couple of geeks who were determined to include their favorite insults they use while playing Magic: The Gathering. Some of the lines in this movie cut me deep, and I can't get the poison out of my soul. Classic lines including "Are you the devil?" to which the person asked responds "maybe..." and the memorable "Welcome to the party, Mr. Boomerang!" and lastly my personal favorite "Lady... You're evil." None of which are in an ironic tone. Did I mention this film is hard to follow? Here's an example: At one point when the team is assembled and taking off in a helicpoter (by the way, every helicopter in this movie crashes and everyone one board survives!) in jumps a rogue samurai?? Then there's this weird, out of place flash back to her husband's death, and then we jump back to the present, and like that, in the span of about 5 seconds, we are awkwardly introduced to a new character that we are suppoed to care about. And when the audience can figure out what's going on the writing ruins it. Anotehr example: Later in the film that character is seen speaking to her sword. Her sword has a ghostly glow to it, and the viewer can easily put together that she's speaking to her dead husband. The viewer subconciously says "Oh, she's talking to her dead husband." Then the camera pans over to another character who says "By the way, the man that killed her husband used that sword and like... his spirit is trapped inside, and stuff, and she's talking to him" Thank you for explain what we just figured out 2 secons ago! This disaster of a movie is filled with moments like this.

This brings me to the acting, it's bland, and the cast doesn't seem very interested in creating any kind of illusion that they believe in what we're doing. The one bright spot is Will Smith, who portrays a serial killer who's actually a really good guy (it makes sense if you don't think about it. Big Willy's charm and charisma bring him some laughs, which are deserved. Margot Robbie plays a piece of meat that we've been somehow convinced is a strong female character that the feminists can root for. She tries so hard to convey depth in her character, but it just comes across awkard, and she trust falls into a vat of acid, so there's that. Jared Leto is an amazing actor, but this is a far cry from the performance of the decade he gave in "Dallas Buyer's Club". His version of the Joker is flat and uninteresting. His Scareface/Tupac like demeanor truly fail to capture the true spirit of the Joker. There's also a gian alligator man who dressed like Ali G, a Hispanic version of the human torch, a Tom Hardy look alike, who's super power is throwing boomerangs, and some other people who are just kind of there, but in the climactic battle we're supposed to remember they're important.

In conclusion, I think DC could fix a lot of their problems if they just shifted course a little bit. HIRE GOOD WRITERS! Hire people who have proven they know how to work character development, who can entertain us with interesting dialogue, not the guys who directed moves bout tanks blowing up and explosions. I once described Zak Snyder as a Michael Bay who thinks he's Christopher Nolan, which in many ways is worse. You have to look at what has made Marvel successful. 1. They are incredibly self aware. Ant Man is a perfect example! It's a movie about a super hero who shrinks! of course they're going to make it light hearted and funny, and never at any point does it take itself too seriously. Then look at what they're doing for Thor: Ragnarok! They brought in Taika Watiti, a man who is building a reputation for making enjoyable, well written movies uncluding the likes of "Boy" and "What we do in the Shadows". That being said, DC and Warner Brothers are making money, so maybe the trainwreck isn't going to stop anytime soon. I seriously can't say there's much good in "Suicide Squad", I was begging for it to be over an hour into it. You want my advice? If you really want to see this movie, wait until it hits Redbox, then see it for a dollar. Then petition to have Redbox shut down for wasting 2 hours of your precious time on this earth.

SHORT MOVIE REVIEW: TICKLED

Here's a good idea, instead of seeing the Ghostbusters reboot nobody wanted, you should really view this thought-provoking, sincere and brave documentary. You may find this a quite odd, which frankly it is, but I guarantee this is a story unlike any you have ever been told. A kwirky New Zealand journalist, David Farrier goes looking for his next big story, when he stumbles upon a sport that is out of the ordinary; competetive endurance tickling. You read that correctly, this is a movie about competetive endurance tickling, and no, it is absolutely not what you would expect. Fascinated by this, he reaches out to the company responsible, and receives a reply that leads him down a rabbit hole of unimaginable depth. I can definitely say this is the best documentary I have seen since "King of Kong: A Fist Full of Dollars". From a film making perspective, it's not the most well put together documentary, but the gripping subject matter alone, makes for one hell of a thrill ride.  A testimony of power, corruption, and lies, with many lessons to learn throughout. A grounding reminder that nothing is what it seems, and there is absolute evil all around us, every secon of this film is more savory than the next. From it's delightfully witty opening, to it's heart-wrenching conclusion, We have a clear front-runner for "Tickled" is a must see.

SHORT MOVIE REVIEW: CAPTAIN AMERICA: CIVIL WAR

Now, before I get into this one. I would like to address the most common complaints I've heard about this movie. The first one being "I'm just burnt out witht the whole super hero thing" That, I can't help you with, and to an extent I understand, there are a lot of these suckers, and they're going to keep coming. Just keep in mind that really doesn't have anything to do with this movie itself. So, if you're burnt out with this genre it doesn't necessarily mean this is a bad film. Now the second is "It's nothing like what happens in the comic book." Well, of course not, I've heard the comic book (Yeah, I'm a nerd. Get over it!) There is no way in the world that would work as a movie. Despite the obvious problem of Marvel not owning the film rights to some of the sagas principles characters, ie. Reed Richards, Wolverine, Deadpool. There's just no way a film could be made to fit the scope of what all happens in "Civil War". So you really have to put the book aside (really, you should do this with every film adaptation), and enjoy the movie for what it is; a movie. That being said, I can confidently say that "Captain America: Civil War" is the best super hero movie since "The Dark Knight" and has become the golden standard for films of this genre. Be warned, if you are a fan of the good vs. evil, this film will disappoint you. It is good vs. good, hero vs hero. Whether it's intentional or not Marvel studios has set out to destroy the popcorn movie, making the line between art and entertainment blurry and unrecognizable. Most impressive is the way the film flawlessly adds depth and a personal element to every hero involved.( and there are a lot.) Marvel's resident funny guys Iron-Man, Ant Man and Iron Man feed off each other exceptionally well to create what is probably the best comic relief I've ever seen in a super hero film, which is a great distraction from the heart wrenching fight to the death between beloved heroes we've all come to adore. My only complaint is the title, mostly because it is in no way a story about Captain America, but a story about the Avengers, and their personal struggles to fight for what believe in while protecting others. "Civil War" had my approval and I highly recommend it!

SHORT MOVIE REVIEW: FRANK

Why yes this is a movie about a man wearing a giant plastic head. Don't worry, there's more to the story, his band of  misfits have one goal in mind; to ensure that they never become famous. Until fate would have it they meet an outsider who convinces them to creat "extremely likeable music", and then the real madness ensues. Weird, quirky and original. Armed with a terrific ensemble cast including Michael Fassbender, Domnhall Gleeson, Maggie Gillenhall and Scoot McNairy, 'Frank' is nothing short of a treasure. One of my favorites from a very strong year in film.  Even with it's very unusual and even bizarre premise it is remarkably thought-provoking and sincerely heartfelt. Every actor delivers a stong performance and carries their own weight. Near-perfectly written, near-perfectly acted, near-perfectly executed. Easily one of my favorites from a very strong year in film. I recommend this one for anyone who appreciates originality, and thinking outside the box.

SHORT MOVIE REVIEW: 50/50

The absolute biggest Oscar snub in 2011. In a year that I personally felt was not a very strong year in film '50/50' stood out to me as on of the year's strongest films, and yet was not recognized at any major awards ceremonies (or should I call them shows?). It's one of the best written films you'll see, and it's beautifully simplistic cinematography adds to the gloomy, yet hopeful element of the story. Joseph Gordon-Levitt gives THE best performance of his career as the mild-mannered, overly-cautious Adam Lerner, a young radio editor who is unexpectedly diagnosed with cancer. Seth Rogan plays what we've come to expect, the role of a foul mouthed Seth Rogan, but it actually works with the story. You're going to have to trust me on this one. Anna Kendrick, Anjelica Houston and Jessica Chast...I mean, Bryce Dallas Howard round out the phenominal supporting cast to creat a very complete, engaging and enjoyable film. You'll lalugh, you'll cry, you'll l augh some more. I highly recommend this one. 5 out of 5 whatevers! 

SHORT MOVIE REVIEW: THE FUNDEMENTALS OF CARING

Paul Rudd, man. Who doesn't love Paul Rudd? If you're raising your hand, you take your mainstream hating, against the grain hipster attitude to some other hipster vegan blog! So, remember when Netflix was an up and coming smaller business that offered the service of renting movies online and shipping them to your house, and now they're basiclly a full fledged multi-million dollar movie studio? Yeah, that's just kind of how capitalism works. Anyway, from Netflix comes a really well written, well acted, feel good, buddy comedy about finding friendships in unexpected places, leaving comfort zones, trying new things, going above and beyond to help people starring Selina Gomez. Really though, it would pass for a Disney movie if it weren't for the excessive use of the F-word(You know the one). Paul Rudd and Craig Roberts (whom you may recognize from the film 'Submarine') both deliver sincere heartfelt performances that I would say are borderline Oscar-worthy if the Academy can forgive them for starring in a Netflix movie (Which they won't). I highly recommend this little gem to anyone who has their own, or their parents' or their roommates' Netflix account. I give it 4 dark chocolate candy bars out of however many is considered good. 

SHORT MOVIE REVIEW: DEADPOOL

I guess I should start by saying for the longest time I did not like Deadpool. I did not like him as a character. Then I later realized that I don't actually hate Deadpool. I really don't. I really do, however, hate Deadpool's fans, or as I like to call them worshipers. You know, you see them at the mall all the time, the meth-heads wearing the Deadpool basketball jerseys witht he number "89" on the back (Deadpool made his comic book debut in 1989. Now you know). You see my issue with Deadpool fans is that I don't think they even know why they like Deadpool, they just know they're supposed to because it fits their riddlin abusive lifestyle. However, the real question is; can Deadpool fans even read? I mean, it's a valid question. No Really.... Deadpool is accredited for being Marvel's first anti-hero, (though, it was actully Wolverine) meaning he's not in it for the good of the people, he doesn't follow the same idealogy that say, Spider-Man or Captain America do. He's Marvel's far less annoying male equivelant of Harley Quinn (Heavens, I hate Harley Quin), and above all else he's funny. Reading his comics are like reading a 'MAD TV' spoof of a well, comic book, and there you have Deadpool. As far as this film is concerned you'll find it histerical... if you like Family Guy-esque crude humor with constant 4th wall breaks, and the constant reminder that the 4th wall breaks are indeed 4th wall breaks. If you read that sentence, then you've got the general synopsis of 'Deadpool'. In all honesty, this movie has some good moments. Ryan Reynolds does a great job as the protagonist, and it's incredibly well written. At the end of the day, it's enjoyable. Just dont make me watch it more than once every few months. That would get annoying really fast. I give it 43shoe laces out of 5.